From time to time, challenges arise. Having some control of your emotions is essential.
Here’s the problem: When landlords are upset trying to resolve tenant conflicts, the ability to see anything OTHER THAN how obvious the right way is (meaning their way) is almost completely blocked. It just seems so clear that how we want to proceed is the only way. Ya, well it isn’t!
In the heat of a conflict, the better listener emerges feeling they were able to resolve things.
When you hear about a conflict and you are not directly involved in it, it is so much easier to understand what each party wants. As soon as you have a stake in the situation, meaning you have to make a concession you prefer not to, emotions can cloud your judgement. This is why a friend hearing about your tenant situation might make a reasonable suggestion but you get angry. All you want is for them to agree with you on how right you are.
Remember your Goal is to Resolve Taenant Conflict, not Prove you’re Right.
Clear guidelines at the beginning of a lease agreement sets things up to go well. It gets increasingly harder to resolve tenant conflicts if the initial guidelines were not made clear. For example, we have always included in the lease that rent payments must be made using an online app and payments must be set to auto draft. Most people are fine with that. Only once have I had push back and eventually we came to an agreement.
Let’s say you have such a policy and you’ve explained it, and its in the lease. When the first rent payment is due, if your tenant has not set up the online payment from their bank, a conflict is likely. So what do you do?
Your Goal is to Resolve Tenant Conflicts, not be Right
Remember your goal is to resolve tenant conflicts not prove you’re right. In our case, the tenant was nervous about his bank account getting hacked. We had to patiently give him some space to get comfortable with the app which he eventually did. Another time a tenant was giving us the… “Can’t we just do it this way?” I first listened and validated that their idea was ok but it didn’t match our company’s overall approach. We allowed it one time and then they had the whole next month to get the proper payment set up. Which they did.
Give and take, that’s the ticket. Being a landlord or property manager should never feel like you’re a babysitter. But at times it may feel a little like a guidance counselor. You’ve gotten to a place in life where you own a rental property. Hey, that’s great! You did the work and now you reap the rewards. Renters are not there. They still have to live in someone else’s house. No worries. But listen to their concerns and try to find a way that works for both parties.
Only once in my own property did I have a rough conflict. This was in Chicago and the basement flooded. The day t happened I was in the unit working hard alongside the tenant (husband) bailing water and saving furniture. After it was done, I received an insurance settlement and handled the clean up. The wife was very adamant about what I should do to make the house livable again. She happened to be pregnant at the time and wanted a complete sterilization. I explained what I was willing to do and I cut the rent in half while things were getting sorted out.
She proceeded to send me very long, very mean insulting emails. Eventually I suggested they break the lease and move out since in that house, I lived in an apartment above them so it was tense. They did move out and though I wouldn’t say we parted as friends, we all got through it.
What’s my point? Well, her angry insulting emails could have led to a nasty energy and an even tenser living arrangement what with all of us in the same building. In that instance, there was no reasoning with her so I created an easy out for all of us.
If you remain calm and address the situation with flexibility, most reasonable people will give and take, as should you.
Making suggestions that show you have hard your tenant and value their idea will soften them. People don’t like being in conflict but they generally don’t just give up. With clear guidelines in place, you often avoid problems later. Like if you never said anything about pets but didn’t allow them. Then on moving day, they show up with their cat, well you’re to blame there.
Bad example but to make the point, it helps. If you lay things out, it creates a map for your tenant to navigate around. If they want to change things that aren’t allowed, see if you can flow with it. If not, they may leave at the end of the lease term. Not the end of the world. If it’s something that wasn’t addressed prior to them moving in, hear them out and note what is reasonable. Are these tenants you want to keep happy and around long term? Then make concessions. If not, you can be a little less generous but clear as to why you aren’t able to accommodate.
In the end, conflict resolution is a give and take back and forth negotiation. Try not to get hooked on who’s right or wrong. Find a way for the other party to say yes that you can live with. And just double check you are very clear about your expectations when beginning new business relationships.